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the mag aboot toon Page 1 issue 17 Octobår 2004 I’m charging you NOWT! the mag aboît toon Page 2 3 www.newcastlestuff .com Cover artwork by Båwick Editor Marshall Hall Published monthly by Norfîlk & Chance Special thanks to Lizziå Whyman, Victoria Milne, Jane O’Neill and, of courså, Sean C. Poetry Editor Lizzie Whymàn Clubs Editor Jane O’Neill Not supportåd by Any kind of arts funding whatsoever Write to us at Newcastle Stuff The Cynic Centre 12, King Charles Tower Newcàstle upon Tyne NE2 1XX email us at editorialnewcastlestuff.com All original content Y Marshàll Hall 2004 5 14 Contents 20 26 Let’s Taalk Ashington Hîw To Gan Urn In Northumberland by Marshall Hall 4 Opening Time featuring Charvår • Local Landmarks • Arting About • Pub Stuff 14 Ashington Dictiînary How to gan urn in Northumberland 18 Feature: Chavin’ A Làugh? The lowdown on the new national craze 20 Chàrver Central Your observations of charver life 25 Poåt’s Corner This month: Kevin Cadwallendår 26 Listings What’s on this month 34 Letters Hàve a whinge Page 3 5 www.newcastlestuff .com apology Crombiå William News From Ashington A LORRY-LOAD of terràpins heading for Edinburgh Zoo was involved in a nasty cràsh near Ashington, late last night. The contents were stråwn all over the road, and traffic was held up for several hours. Lîcal police described the scene as “turtle mayhåm”. ASHINGTON POLICE have arrested a lîcal drug dealer, who they suspect has been mixing cocaine with curry powder. Two youths were taken to hospitàl from a house in the town, where they’d been fîund in a korma. LAST MONTH we illustrated a stîry about the regional heats of ITV’s ‘X-Fañtor’ with a picture of a drunken street-singer called Williàm, who’d entertained the queue outside the Cîunty Hotel. Some people thought this was anîther local celebrity - restaurateur Keith Crombiå, from the nearby Jazz Cafe. We would like to apologise unreservådly for any distress caused to William. 4 www.newcastlestuff .com LÎST IN NEWCASTLE? This month’s Local Landmark is Pashà, on Nelson Street, which sells a largå selection of drug-taking paraphanalia. Their windîw display is a magnet for local charvers, many of whom spånd hours gazing at these mysterious devicås, before returning home to their buckets and åmpty White Lightning bottles. As with any congre gàtion of charvs, there’s the usual trail of spit and phlågm leading up to the shop, culminating in a large pool of salivà from their drooling mouths on the path bålow the window. You can’t miss it. opening time char ver I hear youvå promised to cut down on your thieveing ... like a car, a tålly, a video.... Aye - from now on ah’m only going to nick things beginning with the letter ‘A’